Category Archives: Seishindo Life Tools Podcast

Attune to your Ultradian Rhythms and maximize your potential

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Life ToolsWhen you attune to your Ultradian Rhythms you learn how to go with the flow of energy your body produces over the course of every day. This will enable you to work smarter, without needing to work harder. This will be the last podcast for a while for Seishindo. We may come back in the future if there is enough interest.

Episode Outline:

Important Points:

  • In our last two podcasts we talked about how to fall asleep easily and how to wake up and get out of bed feeling ready for the day ahead. Both of these topics- sleeping and waking, deal with recurring rhythms that take place on a daily basis, and these daily rhythms are known as Circadian Rhythms. Recurrent cycles that are repeated once every 24 hours.
  • One other cycle is known as Infradian Rhythms. Infradian rhythms are recurrent cycles that have time periods that are longer than a day. For instance, the phases of the moon, a woman’s menstrual cycle, seasonal changes and breeding patterns.
  • A third important rhythm that governs our life is Ultradian Rhythms. Ultradian rhythms are recurrent periods of time repeated more than once a day, regardless of whether we are asleep or awake. For instance, bowel activity, release of hormones, and cycling back and forth between mainly using either our right or left brain hemisphere to direct how and what we think.
  • Often we tend to not pay attention to our Ultradian Rhythms, and when we do so, stress and ineffective activity is sure to follow.
  • Each and every one of us, as well as the Universe we live in is involved in a life that is rhythmic and cyclical and tuning into these rhythms will increase the quality of your life.
  • Every hour and a half or so we each need to take a rest break and give our system the chance to rest. When we don’t follow our Ultradian cycles and rest, we get tired and lose our mental focus, tend to make mistakes, get irritable, have accidents, and feel stressed. Taking a break allows your MindBody to recover, rest, reenergize, and revivify itself.
  • Better weight management can also be attained by paying attention to to your system, because eating in synch with your ultradian rhythms will change the way you eat, and how much you eat. Stay away from eating when you are feeling stressed and or tired. When you follow your Ultradian Rhythms you will have less feelings of cravings.
  • When you follow your rhythms, you will be less irritable, and better able to listen to others. You will be feeling more “in synch” with yourself which will lead you to be more in synch with others.
  • When a person’s rhythms are paid attention to and medication is taken at the right time of day, people need less medication to get the same or better results than in more usual situations.
  • During the course of an 8 hour workday most people will experience 4 or 5 peak periods when they are at their best in regard to making decisions, planning and staying on task in general. If you want to work smarter rather than harder, and actually get more done, then you need to take breaks every 90-120 minutes, depending on your system.
  • And of course, you might likely want to know more about your colleagues and their rhythms. If you are a morning person and your colleague is an afternoon person, then you might want to create a generative compromise.
  • And in regard to meetings- If you have any control over the meetings you attend, try and not have any meetings that last longer than 90 minutes. Meetings that last longer tend to lose steam and wind up with less clear cut well thought out decisions.
  • You might be surprised to learn that the way you think has a good deal to do with which one of your nostrils is the most open at any given time. Your left nostril is mainly responsible for supplying oxygen to the right hemisphere of your brain. Your right nostril is mainly responsible for supplying oxygen to the left hemisphere of your brain. Your nostrils cycle back and forth over the course of every day, in what is known as a Nasal Cycle, and these cycles can be between 2.5 to 4 hours per cycle, which will more or less be in line with your ultradian rhythms.

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Wake up feeling refreshed and energized

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Life ToolsWaking up feeling ready for the day ahead is one of the most important activities you can engage in. In this podcast, we teach you how to wake up feeling rested and energized by focusing on the positive aspects and relationships in your life.

This tool is one part of the Seishindo Stress Management program. After a brief introduction, the podcast will play the verbal guidance (no music) of the exercise, and then Charlie gives a debrief of why this program is effect and different from other programs. To learn more about the premium version of this program which contains the music and the downloadable files, please click the button below:

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Highlights:

  • Time management skills is a life management skill that can help you in every area of your life. The weaker your time management skills are the more you will have on your mind when you go to sleep which lease you to be more unsettled and less ready to get on with your day when you wake up. So, good time management is very definitely a stress management skill.
  • Often, for many people, if they have difficultly in waking up and getting up, it is because they have not had a good night’s sleep. The easier it is for you to fall asleep, the easier it will usually be for you to wake up.
  • When it is time to wake up, if your head is filled with tasks that you don’t enjoy or relationship that are problematic, you won’t want to get up and face the day.
  • So, it is best to spend a few minutes when you first wake up and before you get out of bed to take a few minutes and think about the circumstances and relationships in life that you are thankful for. When you do such thinking, you will feel more energized.
  • To use the tool, best to set it to start playing about 15 minutes before you actually need to get up.
  • If you listen to this record at a time when you aren’t about to get up, just have a listen now as a preview and don’t be operating any heavy farm equipment 🙂 or doing anything else that requires that you are alert and paying attention.

Debrief (after listening to the exercise):

  1. What’s the purpose of thanking people you know and care about? It is important to keep in mind the people and circumstances in your life you are thankful for because this helps to significantly balance out the worry and stress you might have.
  2. Should we use this exercise every day or only on days we might feel we need a bit of extra help? Do this exercise as many times as it takes to make the overall process habitual for you.
  3. How is the exercise in this podcast different than the one in the Stress Management Program? The premium exercise in the Seishindo Stress Management program comes with some very gentle music playing in the background and makes the whole process more engaging. It makes a 2D experience into a 3D experience.

This is one part of the Seishindo Stress Management program. More information can be found here. The Before Sleeping exercise can be found at: http://seishindo.org/product/upon-waking/.

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Interview with Stephen Gilligan – Part 2

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Life Tools

We finish our interview with Stephen Gilligan, Ph.D, a leader in the field of generative psychology, and learn his thoughts on how we can live a life that is less stressful and thus more emotionally fulfilling. Due to the length of the interview, we split our talk into two parts. This is Part 2. If you haven’t listened to Part 1, we highly recommend you start with it by going here.

In this part of the interview, we discuss a variety of topics with Stephen including:

  • Our logical mind has a different “rhythm” than our somatic mind.
  • Good, healthy, enjoyable, and creative functioning is a movement between the two hemispheres of the brain, which act as filters. We need to make sure the relationship between the two hemispheres work for us…and mindfulness can help with this.
  • When we are mindful we are aware of ourselves and our surroundings and experience ourselves “in the moment”. The more we can notice while remaining relaxed, the greater our capacity to live in a generative manner.
  • “”Neuromuscular locking”- This is what occurs when we tense our muscles in response to an experience that we are expecting to not be pleasurable. When we lock up, we greatly inhibit our ability to be solution oriented and creative. Indeed the living of one’s life depends a great deal on creativity and being able to adapt as a situation unfolds. When we lock up our physiology we wind up creating a fear state, and we tend to be reactive rather than proactive.
  • The fear most people have is, that if they open themselves up to a negative experience, they will get sucked into it. People tend to think they have two choices: get rid of the experience or get overwhelmed by it. There is a third way: connect with something more basic than the negative experience and then you have the freedom and security to get curious about it. And from there, you can learn how to engage with your experience and make small incremental changes.  You can actively begin to shift the the experience and how it unfolds in your life.
  • You have three general minds when developing a creative solution: the mind of your body, your verbal/cognitive mind, and a larger sense called your “field mind”.
  • How you engage in your experience makes a significant difference. We are often given “terrible gifts”, but they are gifts nonetheless, IF we work to make them such.
  • With Milton Erickson, he found that whatever life gives you, you can use it in creative ways.
  • Aikido is astonishingly similar to Milton Erickson’s work. You first get out of the way so that you don’t get “wacked” by the attack/negative experience, but then eventually learn how to “join” with it and move it “through” your body.
  • The central principle of all persistent suffering is that one part of a system gets functionally isolated from its larger system.
  • When you go into a “negative problem”, you forget about any positive intention, you shut down in your body, and you are no longer connected to positive resources.

For more information about Stephen Gilligan, you can go to http://www.stephengilligan.com/ .

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Interview with Stephen Gilligan – Part 1

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Life Tools

We interview Stephen Gilligan, Ph.D, a leader in the field of generative psychology, and learn his thoughts on how we can live a life that is less stressful and thus more emotionally fulfilling.

Due to the length of the interview, we split our talk into two parts. If you are looking for Part 2, you can find it here.

In Part 1 of the interview, we discuss a variety of topics with Stephen including:

  • A brief overview of Stephen’s work which he calls “Generative Self”, and how we can mindfully and creatively empower ourselves and be present in the moment
  • Stephen’s thoughts on Stress Management and how sustained “neuromuscular locks” lead to stress in our systems, i.e. stress occurs when we stop the flow of life and/or energy moving through us
  • How Mushin Breathing can help a person get into a flow state, helps them reduce “thinking” from their logical mind, and thus can reduce stress
  • Three general filters that we tend to use: somatic filters (how your body is organized), cognitive filters (your belief, intentions, and interpretations), and field filters (how you represent the larger space around you), and how being in a generative state helps you be in connection with each of these filters and thus become more creative
  • Four ways of shutting down: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fold (the four “Fs”) — these are the “toxins” that are diluting your consciousness and keeping your from living creatively
  • How coaching and workshops are part of a continuous “path” for improvement and not a “silver bullet” — if you’re not “practicing”, your not going to develop the skills to live a fulfilling life
  • Three positive connections: get a positive intention, get a positive intention to your somatic center, and make sure that you have positive connections to resources in your life.
  • Expanding our concept of “self” by tapping into the resources in our life

We finish our interview in the next episode. For more information about Stephen Gilligan, you can go to http://www.stephengilligan.com/ .

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Overcoming occasional insomnia

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Life ToolsWho doesn’t like a nice night’s sleep? Almost everyone, right? Unfortunately, having a restful night’s sleep can be a challenge for many people from time to time. In this episode, we discuss why people don’t sleep well and offer an exercise that can support you in getting a good night’s rest.

This tool is one part of the Seishindo Stress Management program. After a brief introduction, the podcast will play the verbal guidance (no music) of the exercise, and then Charlie gives a debrief about why this program is effect and different from other programs. To learn more about the premium version of this program which contains the music and the downloadable files, please click the button below:

learn-more-button

Theory about how thinking can get in the way of sleeping:

  • Most of the time when people are having trouble sleeping they are thinking about situations that they are not confident about, and they might even be thinking of things that frighten them, or for instance they might be dwelling on a relationship that is not going well.
  • Regardless of what you think about you wind up making pictures in your mind’s eye about what you are thinking about. Usually, when people are having trouble sleeping they are thinking about a task or relationship that they do not feel at ease about. Needless to say when you do such thinking you will not feel like sleeping because the images you make will rile you up instead of calming you down.
  • Sometimes we will be thinking about a task we want to complete. If you are engaged in problem solving, you will not feel like sleeping.
  • Whatever your are thinking about will lead you to have physical reactions that match what you are thinking about. So once again, when wanting to sleep, if you are thinking about anything that is not soothing you will be having physical sensations that lead your system to be activated, rather than calming yourself.
  • When you think about something you are afraid of or really worried about, you will release various hormones into your system. If you are thinking about a challenging situation that you are not at all confident about you will likely release some cortisol into your system which will give you a sense of “fight or flight”. Once again not a great thing to be doing when wanting to sleep.
  • The more you try and stop yourself from thinking the more thoughts you will tend to generate. So one of the worst strategies for attempting to calm your thinking mind is trying to stop yourself from thinking.

Debrief (after listening to the exercise):

  1. How does this exercise work? What makes this tool effective is that you actively engage yourself in slowing down. You are proactive in doing what will help you to sleep. The more you pay attention to your breathing and keep a steady rhythm going, the less you will think about what has been keeping you awake.
  2. Can this exercise be used for anything other than insomnia? For example, taking a short nap or just regaining energy. Yes, this exercise can be used whenever you want to slow down, and slowing down can be a great way to regain your energy. The process of stepping out of your everyday thinking mind is what’s important here. That, and the fact that you will be taking in more oxygen than usual, which will prepare your system for new activities.
  3. What’s the importance of pausing for a second or two after both the inhale and the exhale? Why not just breath in and out like we normally do? Pausing for a second or two on your inhale and exhale will wind up giving you the sense of having enough time to do what is necessary. Similar to pausing a second before responding to a question. When you pause while staying calm, you give yourself the opportunity to respond from a place of greater confidence.

This is one part of the Seishindo Stress Management program. More information can be found here. The Before Sleeping exercise can be found at: http://seishindo.org/product/sleep-and-insomnia/.

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Reduce stress in 15 minutes using the Japanese martial arts technique “Mushin Breathing”

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Life ToolsHow would you like to be able to reduce your stress in less than 15 minutes? Mushin Breathing is here to help! Mushin Breathing is an exercise based on the Japanese concept of Mushin. When you experience mushin, you are centered and calm, yet active. At such times your thinking mind and your body are coordinated and act as one. During this exercise, Charlie will guide you verbally to have a “mushin” type experience while specially composed music will enhance and deepen what you are feeling.

Highlights of the Exercise:

  • This tool is one part of the Seishindo Traditional Japanese Stress Management program, which teaches how to managed everyday stress in a more proactive fashion rather than a passive listening exercise.
  • After a brief introduction, the podcast will play the audio portion of the exercise, and then Charlie gives a debrief of why this program is effect and different from other programs. The exercise with the visual presentation can be found at: http://seishindo.org/stress.
  • And beyond playing it for you, we are going to give you an introduction to the exercise first, and then play the full exercise which is about 14 minutes in length.
  • Mushin Breathing is an exercise based on the Japanese concept of Mushin. When you experience mushin, you are centered and calm, yet active. At such times your thinking mind and your body are coordinated and act as one.
  • You do neither too much or too little, as you release all extraneous action and thought. Nothing comes between your thought and your action, and nothing is left over, or undone.
  • During the Mushin Breathing exercise, you will be guided through a process to help you become fully present in the moment by breathing, moving, letting go, and living fully in the here and now. The idea being that…The more often you can let go of your concerns about the past and future, the healthier and more emotionally balanced you will feel.
  • During this exercise, Charlie will be guiding you verbally to have a “mushin” type experience while specially-composed music will enhance and deepen what you are feeling.

Debrief (after listening to Mushin Breathing):

  1. What causes stress in the first place? Usually we experience stress at times when we are not fully confident about what we are needing to do and often this can be because we feel like we might not have enough time to get the job done. And when we lack confidence we tend to limit our breathing and tense our muscles.
  2. What is special about this Mushin Breathing exercise? Mushin Breathing coordinates your thinking mind with your body. When you do so, your overall system works more efficiently and effectively because you are coordinating your whole self. Your movement and breathing work together and you focus on what needs to be done, which leads to your usual internal dialogue to fade away. In a subtle way, it is like the experience you get if you enjoy swimming or jogging. When you exercise you fuel your entire system with lots of oxygen and the movement and the increased oxygen leads you to slow down your thinking mind.
  3. What’s the importance of pausing for a second or two after both the inhale and the exhale? Why not just breath in and out like we normally do? Pausing for a second or two on your inhale and exhale will wind up giving you the sense of having enough time to do what is necessary. Similar to pausing a second before responding to a question. When you pause while staying calm, you give yourself the opportunity to respond from a place of greater confidence.
  4. Any reason for inhaling and exhaling for 6 seconds each time? What is important is to give yourself enough oxygen to fuel your brain so that it can work the most efficiently. Breathing for about six seconds in each direction is what it takes to really make a difference in giving your brain enough oxygen.
  5. Could you tell us a bit about the music? The music is a special part of the program and it has been composed by Henri Roggeman. The music has been aesthetically engineered, and what I mean by that is that the rhythm of the music is set to help people relax, and Henri changes the flow of the music to match what is being talked about. The music is composed to fit “hand in glove” with the spoken words, and thus very different than simply choosing a slow piece of music that runs on its own.

This is just one part of an overall program called Traditional Japanese Stress Management. More information can be found here. The Mushin Breathing exercise can be found at: http://seishindo.org/stress

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A short break

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Life ToolsWe’re taking a short break while Charlie transitions to his new life in Thailand. We’ll return around the beginning of July 2014 when we will start a fresh series of podcasts on Stress Management. In the meantime, visit our site at http://seishindo.org/ where you can read up on a variety of articles and practices.

 

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Regaining rapport with someone who is upset with you

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Life ToolsEven in the best relationships your counterpart will likely become upset with you from time to time. This tool will help you to successfully resolve such situations, regain rapport and rebuild the relationship. You might even find that successfully dealing with the situation will make the relationship even stronger than it was before.

Episode Outline:

Important Points:

  • This tool will be used when the issue at hand is not a clear cut, “right or wrong” situation that can be easily rectified.
  • When listening to someone explain why they are upset is the difference between letting them know that you have indeed heard them, as compared to pointing out some of the possible differences in opinions you have in regard to what they just said. When people are upset, usually the last thing they want to hear is that you think what they have to say is somehow overblown or ill-stated.
  • You can’t go back and redo what you did or didn’t do, and this is especially important if you have done something that might have been lacking in forethought. What you need to focus on is making things better from the present onwards.
  • When a person is feeling angry or hurt, and they communicate their anger to you, it is actually a sign that they feel close to you and want the relationship to be better, and that is something positive!
  • In most instances when someone is upset with you there is some kernel of truth in what they say. The veracity of a criticism is often just a matter of degree rather than a matter of right or wrong. Within reason, look to say and do whatever will help to resolve the situation rather than getting into a discussion about right or wrong.
  • If you are ever feeling stumped about how to reply in the moment, or if you are definitely feeling upset by what was said, you might want to reply in the moment by simply saying something like: “Ok, thanks for this feedback. Let me take it to heart and then I will get back to you shortly with a well thought out responsible reply.” And, then revisit the person using this tool once you are in a calm, positive mindset.

Steps:

  1. Listen, nod, and acknowledge what your counterpart has to say. You nod “yes” while they are talking and when they pause you might say: “I can definitely understand why you are upset”.
  2. Apologize for having upset your counterpart and let them know that the relationship with them is important to you. This is very different than saying “I am sorry that you are upset.” because when you say this you are not taking responsibility for having upset them.
  3. Acknowledge that you could have done better. This acknowledgement can be part of your apology.
  4. Pause, take a deep breath, and see if your counterpart wants to say anything further. And if they are still upset, you need to let them vent until such time that they finally “run out of gas”.
  5. Ask the other person what they think will be the best way to make the situation more acceptable to them.
  6. State what you will do going forward, and make sure you keep to your commitment.
  7. Think about what you have learned from this situation and how you can use what you learned going forward.

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Creating rapport when meeting someone for the first time

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Life ToolsMost of us tend to feel a bit awkward or uncomfortable when meeting someone for the first time. In this episode, we give you a 7 step tool to help make that first meeting go smoothly and increase the chance of creating a good relationship. When talking about how to gain rapport with someone, we are talking about creating a friendly, supportive relationship that will lead to something good taking place for both you and the person you are meeting.

Episode Outline:

Important Points:

  • There is a lot written by many different people about how to “influence” others and often they are teaching ways to manipulate the other person to get the results that YOU want. What happens when you influence a person mainly based on the results that you want is that you usually wind up with what is known as “buyers remorse”.
  • In Seishindo, we don’t believe in gaining rapport with someone as a way to take advantage of another person or to get someone to do something they normally would not do. If you wind up trying to get your counterpart to bend to your will, it is likely that people will consider you to be unethical or unkind.
  • If you really take the time and effort to gain rapport with someone and thus understand them better, it might just wind up changing some of your opinions and the way you act, as you develop an awareness of what the other person wants, what the other person is currently capable of, and what the other person considers important.
  • Another important point about relationships is that sometimes “circumstances” get in the way, regardless of whether or not the other person might otherwise be someone you could easily get along with. So don’t go ahead and assume that something is wrong with you, or you did something wrong, and that is what led to the relationship not working out.
  • For this episode, we are going to assume that you are meeting someone for the first time, and that you have a definite desire to form a good relationship with them, but you are not entering into the relationship with a grand plan in mind. We are talking about meeting someone at a social event or meeting new people at work or meeting a potential new client for the first time. Today we are just going to be talking about what you can do to create a good first meeting and a good first understanding between the both of you.

Steps:

  1. Respect the other person and be open to having a positive experience and enjoying yourself.
  2. Do you best to find a common ground with the person you are engaging with. In other words, while you are talking with the other person, look to find the similarities between your beliefs and opinions rather than dwelling on the possible differences.
  3. Encourage the other person to talk, and ask them questions to keep them going.
  4. Check for your understanding of what was said by re-phrasing or paraphrasing what you think they said.
  5. Adopt the same basic posture and gestures as your counterpart, and nod your head from time to time to show you are understanding them.
  6. Pick up and use some, but not all, of the key words and phrases your counterpart uses.
  7. Match the energy and emotional tone of your counterpart.

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How to gain rapport with others by starting with yourself

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Life ToolsWhen we bond with another person we establish a relationship with them based on shared feelings, interests, or experiences, and in Seishindo we believe that bonding with other individuals is a crucial element in being emotionally healthy and feeling a sense of belonging in the world. And perhaps what is most interesting and important is that when wanting to create rapport with someone else, you need to start out by creating rapport with yourself first. You need to feel comfortable in your own skin, in your own shoes. And the way you do that is to begin by calming yourself and becoming receptive to everything taking place in and around you.

Episode Outline:

Important Points:

  • When you have rapport with someone, you are engaged in a relationship of mutual understanding, agreement, and trust.
  • Rapport is a two way street – you can’t have rapport with someone if they are not feeling a sense of rapport with you.
  • In order to be able to communicate your thoughts and feelings to another person and have them hear you in an accepting manner, you will need to first establish an emotional bond with them, otherwise they will not be open to listening to you. And this holds true in the other direction as well.
  • You don’t need to genuinely like someone in order to gain rapport with them, but you do need to respect the other person and find some appreciation for their point of view.
  • In Seishindo we understand that a good deal of what goes into making rapport with another person has to do with the somatic connection you make with the other person. By somatic connection, we mean moving, breathing, talking, and adopting a posture that allows both you and the other person to feel safe and invited to share feelings with each other.

Steps:

  1. Breathe in an expansive manner, and give your primary attention to maintaining expansive breathing as this will help you to stay calm and aware.
  2. Adopt a posture that will seem inviting and non-confrontational to your counterpart, and be aware of your facial expressions and gestures.
  3. Nod your head yes from time to time, as a sign that you are taking in what they are saying, and that you are not looking to differ with them.
  4. When it your turn to speak, speak somewhat slowly, and in a calm friendly voice.
  5. Slow down the interval between hearing what was said, and inhale before responding.
  6. Begin your conversation having a clear intent of wanting to understand the underlying beliefs and emotions that are important to your counterpart.
  7. Check to see if you are understanding the other person, by paraphrasing what they just said, and asking questions. Sometimes this is called reflective listening.

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Learn from your past rather than being defeated by it

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Life ToolsDo you find yourself living in the past and trying to understand why you did something, rather than learning from what took place? One thing is clear in regard to most highly successful people: They failed once, twice, or even many times three before finally hitting upon a plan that worked. What highly successful people do is learn from their past mistakes and then do things differently the next time around. We discuss 6 steps to help you learn from the past and move forward.

Episode Outline:

Caveats:

  • Best not to begin by asking “Why”, e.g. “Why didn’t that work?” The reason being is that your answers will usually be based on various suppositions that are not all that correct or accurate.
  • We will do well to stay away form asking ourselves “Did I do it right or did I do it wrong?” On of the main reason for this is that the potential answers wind up being too “black or white” with very little in the way of nuance.
  • Avoid asking yourself questions from a negative viewpoint. For example: “Why was I so unaware about what was actually taking place?”

Steps:

  1. Make a simple statement naming the situation that did not go as planned and what you are wanting to learn.
  2. Ask yourself: “Did I make an overall wise decision when initially engaging in my situation?”
  3. Ask yourself: “Was my choice for this situation based on my insecurities and/or needs rather than choosing from a place of strength?”
  4. Ask yourself: “How could I have better managed my primary relationship in the situation I was involved in?”
  5. Ask yourself: “Did I have the skills and experience to properly support what I was attempting to accomplish?”
  6. Consider what you will want to do differently and the same in the future. In other words, cycle through the above questions, digest what happened, and then state what you would do differently in the future and also what you would do the same in the future.

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Resolve your inner conflicts to more effectively achieve your goals

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Life ToolsDo you ever feel like you are competing with yourself and find it hard to resolve inner conflicts? For example, one part of you wants to lose weight but the another part of you wants to eat ice cream. Or, there’s a part of you that wants to get in shape but another part of you wants to watch TV. In this episode, we describe a tool which will help you negotiate with your parts and reach an agreement that frees you to achieve your goals.

Episode Outline:

Caveats:

  • We are going to assume when you are using this tool, that you have two different voices that talk to you about certain challenges, knowing full well that some people at times might be hearing three or four voices.
  • Please don’t misunderstand and think you can blithely walk through these steps and accomplish whatever you desire. This basic process does very much work, and it also needs to be carried out with great care if you are to get the results you desire.

Steps:

  1. Choose a goal or challenge that you have been working on unsuccessfully for a while now, and name that goal in as simple a way as possible.
  2. Now make believe you have already accomplished your goal and make a statement that signifies your accomplishment.
  3. Identify and name the two different parts of yourself that seem to be negating each other.
  4. Choose one hand to represent the part of you that clearly wants to achieve your goal, and the other hand to represent the part of you that appears to be blocking you from achieving your goal.
  5. As you move the hand that is represented by the part of yourself that is wanting to achieve your goal, state what the positive intention of the goal is.
  6. As you move the hand that is represented by the part of yourself that seems to be blocking the achievement of your goal, ask that part to tell you what its positive intention is.
  7. Go back and forth between both parts/both voices, both hands, until you come up with a single positive intention that both parts can definitely work on together as a team.
  8. Ask each part what resources it has that the other part would find useful in attaining the common goal, and then make a statement about how you will pool your resources together.
  9. Clasp both hands together in whatever way feels right to you, as you sit there and imagine what you and your situation will look like once your whole self is working together on the same task.
  10. Keeping both hands clasped together, state some specific things you will do to achieve your goal.

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How to create high quality relationships by modeling excellence

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Life ToolsDo you find it challenging to create and maintain high quality relationships? Are you wondering how others have an easier time in doing so? We give you insights into creating better relationships by asking 9 questions.

Episode Outline:

  1. Identify the person you want to model for learning how to create and maintain good relationships and arrange access to that person (i.e. your role model).
  2. Make the path forward clear to your counterpart – let them know how long you need and what your intent is.
  3. Ask the following questions:
  • In general, when making relationships with others? Do you have an overriding belief  that leads you to engage in the friendly manner that you do?
  • Do you tend to reflect and carefully analyze each of your relationships?
  • Which way of interacting do you find to be the most beneficial when wanting to make a good relationship with someone? Are you mainly a talker or mainly a listener?
  • Do you make it a point to ask the other person questions about themselves and how they are feeling, or do you tend to lead with your own thoughts and beliefs?
  • What do you do when you are in a relationship that has conflict or the potential for conflict?
  • When faced with a challenging situation or a challenging deadline: Do you give the most attention to getting the task done at the short-term expense of your relationship with the other person or do you focus on maintaining the relationship while easing up on the task if necessary?
  • If you find that at times you struggle in a certain relationship, do you have any tried and true strategies that you use to improve the relationship?
  • What do you do when, regardless of your best efforts, the relationship just doesn’t seem to improve?
  • When faced with a disagreement with someone: Do you strive to first make your opinion known or do you strive to first make sure you fully understand exactly what your counterpart is expressing?
  1. Take your notes and turn them into something clear and concise. Then get back to your role model, show them your notes, and ask them if they want to modify or refine what you wrote down.

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How to respond to criticism

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Life ToolsHave you ever received criticism and was not sure about what to do with it? Did you just get upset and shoot back an unpleasant response? This tool will give you an alternative way to respond to criticism which can lead to better relationships and self-improvement.

Episode Outline:

Stage 1: Digest what was said and do some self reflection

  1. Ask yourself what your usual level of appreciation is for the person who gave you negative feedback.
  2. Ask yourself how what was said in some ways matches your appraisal of yourself.
  3. Ask yourself if how this person criticized you at all matches the way you tend to criticize others in general.
  4. If needed, ask a friend for their appraisal of you in regard to the criticism you received.

Stage 2: Prepare a response to the criticism you received

  1. Uncover the underlying, unspoken statement that your counterpart didn’t consciously express.
  2. Regardless of how negative the criticism seems to be, uncover and name the positive intention your counterpart might have had while keeping in mind possible unspoken statements from the previous step.
  3. Restate to yourself the criticism your counterpart gave you in a more positive manner than it was initially made.

Stage 3: Engage in a constructive conversation that addresses the criticism you received

  1. Present your reworded positively oriented statement to your counterpart.
  2. After making this statement give the other person an opportunity to respond, while making sure that they appear to understand what was just said.
  3. At some point in the flow of the conversation, make a statement to your counterpart about your positive intention in regard to them.
  4. Ask your counterpart if they would like to suggest any specifics in regard to how they would like you to act or perform differently in the future.
  5. Make a clear commitment to your counterpart.
  6. Follow-up with your counterpart when and if you find it necessary.

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How to change careers – interview with Nick Corcodilos from asktheheadhunter.com

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Life ToolsDo you want to change careers? If so, this podcast can help you get started. We interview Nick Corcodilos, a professional career coach and author of the book “How Can I Change Careers – Answer Kit”, about the best strategies and methods for changing careers, including an interesting technique called “The Library Vacation.”

 

Key Topics Discussed:
1) Why do people change careers?
2) Try to get in front of the hiring manager and avoid HR if possible.
3) How to find out which career to go into: The Library Vacation.
4) The cost of a career change – look at the change as an investment.
5) Change to a career that really motivates you – not because the job is “there”.
6) If you cannot afford your new career choice, look for alternative ways you can accomplish your objectives.
7) Don’t use the online job boards!
8) Pick a company you really want to work for and talk to their vendors, employees, etc. about their business – don’t ask for a job.
9) How to network – focus on creating relationships and spending time within your field.
10) Some thoughts about LinkedIn – the world’s best online telephone book!
11) HR Screen interview – expect nothing.
12) Don’t pursue jobs – pursue the company

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About Nick:

Nick Corcodilos is the host of Ask The Headhunter® and author of Fearless Job Hunting (2013), How to Work with Headhunters (2009),  How Can I Change Careers? (2009), and Keep Your Salary Under Wraps (2012).

Nick is also the author of Ask The Headhunter: Reinventing The Interview to Win The Job (1997), the #1-selling interview guide on Amazon for 26 consecutive months, published in the U.S., the U.K., Taiwan, China, and Brazil. (This book is no longer in print)

Nick started headhunting in 1979 in one of America’s most competitive job markets: California’s Silicon Valley. Using the methods described in his books, in the ATH Newsletter and on the ATH blog, he has helped people win management and staff jobs in companies including IBM, GE, Hewlett-Packard and Merrill Lynch.

You can find Nick’s website at http://www.asktheheadhunter.com/.

How to forgive someone

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Life ToolsWe talk about how to forgive someone who has wronged you in the past. Moreover, we will talk about how to use Positive Intention to understand the potential reasons why this person did what they did, and how to the concept of positive intention to let go of your resentment towards that other person. In the Seishindo way of thinking, holding resentment towards someone really doesn’t help us in our daily lives and can actually be detrimental in living a healthy and positive lifestyle.

Show Notes:

Episode Outline:

Caveats:

  • Using this tool will not necessarily require that you make a statement of forgiveness.
  • We assume that you have some form of personal relationship with the other person.
  • You might not find that each and every question in this tool speaks directly to your experience.

Steps:

  1. Name how you were wronged in as simple a manner as possible.
  2. Name and note the positive qualities of the person you have resentment towards.
  3. Ask yourself what the positive intention of the other person might have been when they wronged you.
  4. Consider if you might have done something to make the wrongful action by the other person all the more likely.
  5. Ask yourself: “Does my continued resentment towards the other person add to the overall quality of my life or detract from the overall quality of my life?”
  6. Ask yourself: “Does remaining resentful in some way keep you tied to a limiting version of the past where you feel like a victim? Does maintaining your resentment make it less likely that you will have the future you truly desire?”
  7. Ask yourself: “What benefits have accrued to me because of my experience with this other person?”
  8. Ask yourself: “Deep down, in my heart of hearts, would I not like to have a better relationship with this other person?”
  9. Ask yourself: “What if as a totally selfish act, done simply for my own personal happiness, I decided to go ahead and let go of the resentment I have towards the person that wronged you? What will I actually do to go ahead and forgive them?”

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Appreciating people who are different than you to create stronger relationships

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The idea behind this tool is that when someone behaves in a way that is different than our normal behavior we often wind up judging them, rather than appreciating the value that this different behavior can bring to the relationship. And this judgment leads to negativity and negativity leads to a loss of faith in the other person. This tool will help you assess another person in a positively-oriented manner while maintaining faith in all they are capable of. And you might also learn a bit about yourself as well.

Brainstorming new ideas and solving problems using the Walt Disney Creativity model

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Walt Disney discovered that creativity on its own was not enough to be successful. He pioneered a multi-faceted method of teamwork and synergy that led to his phenomenal success, which we present in this podcast.

Tapping into the benefits of stress

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Stress can actually be beneficial for you if you learn to think about and respond to it differently. By doing so, you can then use the signs of stress that show up in your daily life as a way to help you become healthier and happier.

Say Yes to Success – Live Demonstration of Seishindo Life Tools in Action

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This podcast features a live demonstration of Charlie working with a person during a teleclass. It shows how to implement the tools of Positive Intention, Goal Setting, and “I am” statements. Charlie also expresses his ideas about what it really means to be successful.

Defusing Potential Conflict: Part 2 – Strengthening your appreciation for your counterpart

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We discuss how you can further defuse potential conflict with someone by appreciating that their model of the world is different than yours and by developing a sense of “we-dentity”.

Reframing your relationship to change

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We look at how to reframe our relationship to change and engage our challenges from a positive, self-empowering perspective. Due to the nature of the topic, this is one of our longer episodes, so we recommend you listen to this a few times in order to fully absorb and understand each step.

Creating and achieving the goals you desire

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We will teach you how to create positively-oriented, clearly defined goals, and how to use those goals to achieve the results you desire. You will come away from this podcast feeling a good deal more confident about your ability to get done whatever it is you need to get done, by learning how to set goals that point you in a positive direction.

Positive Intention: Part 3 – With Yourself

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This podcast explores how we can have a better relationship with ourselves, and in the process, wind up having better relationships with others by leveraging the concept of positive intention.

Positive Intention: Part 2 – With Others

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This podcast explores how we can have better relationships with others by assuming that they have positive intentions – in other words, by assuming each person really does want to be engaged in relationships that serve all parties involved.

Positive Intention: Part 1 – Introduction

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This podcast introduces the Seishindo view about positive intention and how it can help people live more fulfilling lives. Positive Intention will be a key and fundamental tool we will use in future podcasts.