|
I felt myself going down for the count,
Spiraling,
Looping,
Almost falling over.
The beginning rumblings that usually lead to an “off the
chart” reading on the Richter scale.
I closed my eyes and waited
Part of me dreading what would come next,
And part of me hoping that some ancient teaching I had
studied in one of those weekend seminars,
Would miraculously kick in and start working on its own.
At first I thought I heard only the sounds of breaking
glass
And the screech of tires,
Coming from my overwrought and anxious soul.
And then from somewhere off in the distance, and getting ever
closer and louder,
I heard an insistent chatter chastising me,
“Here you go again! Down, and down, and down!”
I was feeling so very stuck,
So I stayed right where I was,
Kind of like a deer caught in the headlights of an onrushing
car.
And then I must have gotten lucky,
Or perhaps God was in a particularly kind mood that day,
Because the longer I stayed glued to where I was,
The more I began to feel and hear the loud and steady
beat of my heart.
Perhaps too fast, but definitely strong and true.
At first I felt it in a very simple way:
Boom-boom....Boom-boom.....
And then I began to notice that my heartbeat was enticingly
simple yet complex,
Like the beat of an African drum,
Calling to the other players.
Ba-boom Bi-bam....Ba-boom Bi-bam
Ba-boom Bi-bam....Ba-boom Bi-bam
And I knew this beat was ancient,
I knew that it was more than me,
And so was my pain.
Suddenly I was only spiraling,
Only looping,
Only going down, and down, and down.
Captured, mesmerized, fully engaged.
No verbal conversation inside my head.
And in a moment that seemed so clear,
I was full of energy and moving,
In a very big place,
Like a dolphin in the water,
Like a hawk in the sky
Like Fred Astaire on a rainy Saturday evening,
dancing in the rain.
Shaking, twisting, and sometimes very still,
And silent.
Endless energy,
Fed by a source MUCH more powerful than my brain.
Tears, joy, laughter,
Intense pain, a sense of deep beauty,
A sense of being deeply loved.
Somehow all of these states were not so dissimilar.
The source was all the same.
I don’t know how long this went on for,
Because I was really far away from the one who tells
time.
All I know is that I found myself sitting here
slumped over in my chair,
Eyes closed,
My breathing pure and simple,
Innnnn........Outtttt..........Innnn.............Outttt........
Don’t just read these words,
Feel them within yourself.
Your own breath......
Innnnn........Outtttt..........Innnn.............Outttt........
Like the rise and fall of the tides,
Like the slow pendulum of a huge clock,
Like the ringing of a gong in a temple ceremony,
Marking the passing of old souls,
And the entry of new.
Slowing down…….
Muscles relaxed,
Heart beating freely,
Ba-boom Bi-bam..….Ba-boom Bi-bam……..
Ba-boom Bi-bam..…Ba-boom Bi-bam……
Are you feeling your heart now?
Really feeling.
Your heart.. Ba-boom Bi-bam..….
And your breathing Innnn.............and Outttt........
Like a symphony,
Fueling your life.
And I ask myself now,
Where did all this start?
How do I go from madness to bliss?
And I ask you the same.
|
