"Everyday Aikido" - Build relationships rather than manage conflict

Serving a community of private individuals and professionals who have the desire to cultivate a life of clarity, compassion, and creativity. We warmly welcome our new subscribers. Thanks for joining! Your feedback is encouraged. Please feel free to contact us.

1. "Everyday Aikido" - Build relationships rather than manage conflict

What do you think? Isn't being involved in caring supportive relationships vital to your overall health and well-being? Today I offer you a few thoughts on relationships and conflict, hoping you'll meditate on what I write and come to a heartfelt understanding of how you can be a better partner to others. Take your time, read slowly, breathe deeply, and enjoy!

For most of us, it is our relationships with others more so than our individual talents and accomplishments that define who we are and how we feel.

As important as supportive relationships are, many of us experience that the people who are most important to us are often the very same people we experience the most conflict with. Relationships and conflict often appear to be two sides of the same coin. It sometimes seems as if what we most want and need is what we least understand how to attain. Why is this so?

One explanation could be that relationships can be frightening at times. For most people, heartfelt intimacy and some degree of vulnerability go hand in hand. So just when you're hoping for a warm response from your counterpart, you might wind up getting a cold shoulder instead. Don't look for or expect fear in others, but be open to the fact that some degree of fear might be present, for you as well as your counterpart.

In Aikido we believe that an attacker comes towards us in an agitated state, desperately wanting human contact and intimacy. With their confused logic and heightened state of fear, they wind up lashing out, rather than opening up to the vulnerability of receiving.

To some extent you might find the same thing occurring in some of your relationships, both professional and personal.

The expression "No ‘man' is an island" is a fundamental truth of human existence. Supportive relationships are not a luxury, but rather a biological need. The nervous system of each person is an "open loop system" that requires caring contact with others. It is the touch of those that care about us, that helps to stabilize and calm our flow of energy, allowing us to feel "at home in the universe."

In Aikido we practice the art of calming our self and our partner, so that we can better connect our "open loop system" to theirs. In the process we fulfill the biological need for human contact and connectedness.

It is important to remember that no matter how well you get along with another person, their model of the world is invariably different than yours. You need to find a way to embrace the differences between you, as least as much as you embrace the similarities.

In Aikido we believe that conflict originates in the thinking mind that discerns itself as being separate from others. Separation leads to thoughts of "right OR wrong," "good OR bad." Embracing difference leads you to appreciate that no one model of the world is correct and complete.

It can often be highly educational to consider how you might benefit by becoming a bit more like your problematic counterpart. A devilish thought that can yield great insight into your own strengths and weaknesses.

These are my thoughts for today. Is there something here that might help you be a better partner in the future? I hope so!

Perhaps you might like to think about someone in particular and reconsider your relationship with them from the light of what I've written?

Please write and let me know what you're thinking!

Workshop Announcements
Click on the event's title to find out about the details
When?	Where?	Workshop/Event & Presenter(s)
July 15, 2006 14:00–17:00	Antwerpen, Belgium	Seishindo Study Group in Belgium Marleen Adriaensen Info in Dutch in French
October 5, 2006 19:30 - 23:00	Antwerpen, Belgium	Introducing Seishindo - The role your body plays in helping you to maintain your health and emotional well-being Charlie Badenhop, Originator of Seishindo Info in Dutch
October 7, 2006, 9:30 - 17:30	Antwerpen, Belgium	Finding Inner Peace - Exploring the body language of migraine headaches and chronic pain Charlie Badenhop, Marleen Adriaensen Info in Dutch
October 11, 2006 18:00-20:15	Antwerpen, Belgium	Aikido - A gentle yet powerful martial art Charlie Badenhop Info in Dutch
October 14-15, 2006 9:30-17:30	Antwerpen, Belgium	EMBODIED PRESENCE - Use "Verbal Aikido" to resolve conflict and build relationships Charlie Badenhop Info in Dutch in French
October 27-28-29, 2006 9:30-5:30	Washington, DC, USA	EMBODIED WISDOM - The Dance of Intellect, Intuition, and Emotion Judith DeLozier, Co-Founder of NLP Charlie Badenhop, Originator of Seishindo, Dorothy Pietracatella, Certified Specialist in Somatic Experiencing
January 26-27-28, 2007 9:30-5:30	Antwerpen, Belgium	EMBODIED WISDOM - The Dance of Intellect, Intuition, and Emotion Judith DeLozier, Co-Founder of NLP Charlie Badenhop, Originator of Seishindo

2. Aikido and Psychotherapy

There are more and more Aikido practitioners around the world using the principles they have learned in Aikido and applying them to other endeavors. Therapy, trauma work, peace initiatives, education, etc.

Today I'd like to introduce you to an article on our site written by David Sikora. David synthesizes the principles and basic movement patterns of Aikido and systemic sculpture work as applied in family therapy. Both are systems for dealing with conflict, seemingly in very divergent fields.

Please have a read!
Aikido and Systemic Sculpture Work in Groups and Organizations