And when I write that, I wonder if you perceive me as having just communicated, “Life is a series of struggles,” or if instead the message you get is something more like, “Everyone faces numerous challenges in their life and it is crucial that we are able to face our challenges in a positively oriented manner.”
I believe your interpretation will depend a lot on whether or not you find yourself needing to frequently deal with inner conflict. Inner conflict leads one part of you to say “Yes” to a desired outcome, while another part of you says “No.” (We discuss this type of conflict in our Anger Management video which can be found here on our website.)
For instance, you might likely encounter inner conflict when having made a clear commitment to yourself to lose weight. Things go well for the first few days, and then you go to a friend’s house for dinner, and they offer you “the best chocolate cake on planet earth.” How can you say “Yes” to the cake, while also saying “Yes” to your weight management goals? Even as I type that question now, it seems like it might be a zen koan – a question that has no logical answer. Indeed I believe that often the most important issues we face in our life are paradoxical in nature.
Today’s podcast focuses on resolving your inner conflicts so that you are better able to act with clarity and purpose – in other words, resolving or solving the paradoxes you are faced with. Not necessarily an “easy” task, but certainly a task that you are definitely capable of accomplishing, and we give you the steps to help you do just this.
If you go to the podcast on the site, you will see that we have started to include an outline of the key points in each podcast. We started to do this as a result of feedback from some of our listeners. If you are in a hurry or just want to read what the podcast is about, this should help.
Before you listen to the podcast you might want to scroll down to the “Musings” section of this newsletter and read what I have to say about inner conflict.
When you are ready, have a listen to today’s podcast and hopefully it will lead you to act from a place of greater clarity and purpose.
As “one” individual, we often tend to cast competing votes when it comes to important issues that we face in our lives. For instance, one part of us says “Yes” to wanting to get in shape and exercise more, and another part votes for postponing our exercising regime until the weather gets warmer. This “self competition” is somewhat like being a politician who needs to satisfy two voting blocks that have very different outlooks on life. There is the challenge of needing to craft an initiative that will please both the liberals and the conservatives. Certainly not a simple task and perhaps even a task that can seem impossible at times.
My friend Stephen Gilligan likes to playfully say that many of us seem to have an evil twin that shows up at all the wrong times with the intent of sabotaging whatever plans have been made. So what to do?
I believe that a crucial life skill is having the ability to listen to, appreciate, and synthesize the seemingly competing goals and voices we all have at times. We need to understand that our emotional self often wants immediate gratification with little understanding of the long term consequences of our actions. At the same time, our logical self tends to make goals that don’t take the needs of our emotional self into account. In my life, “the trick” seems to be having the capacity to listen to my emotional self from the perspective of my logical self and vice versa. To craft goals and actions that take into account both voices, both selves. Only then am I able to gain an intuitive understanding of the paradoxes I am faced with, dissolve my internal conflict, and act with clarity and purpose.
When wanting to act in a more decisive, life-affirming manner, I think you will do well to step back and consider how much you find yourself arguing with yourself, and how much you attempt to achieve solutions that are either black or white, rather than achieving goals that are fashioned from a more collaborative point of view. In regard to weight management, I have been working on listening to “Mr. Slim” and “Big Boy”, the names I have given to two of my personas in regard to self-image and weight management.
Big Boy likes to eat pizza and drink beer and finds that the opportunities to do so are somewhat limitless. Mr. Slim on the other hand is very much into the importance of being at a healthy weight and has disdain for anyone who does not see the “obvious” benefits of following his plan of action. Having lost around seventy pounds over the last two years has necessitated me teaching these two guys how to have a collaborative, respectful conversation with each other. Helping each persona to find the similarities and common ground in their seemingly disparate views of life. The results have been highly rewarding, and I believe that you are also definitely capable of crafting new “self-relationships” that can serve you well.
The more you are able to respect and appreciate the synergy your various internal competing points of view offer you, the more energy you will have to successfully meet the many challenges you face. Living a life that offers you significant emotional fulfillment is one of the many benefits you will receive!
Have a listen to today’s podcast, and let me know what both of you think!